I have a lot of regrets. I've made a lot of mistakes; choices I wish I could go back and redo, words I wish I could take back, actions that hurt people instead of built them up. I also have a hard time letting go of those mistakes. I hang onto things and play them over and over and over in my head and for some reason I cling to them.
Maybe I cling to them so tightly because it's easier to hold onto things than it is to let go. Maybe I hold on because the future is unpredictable and the past, well that already happened and it doesn't scare me as much as the unknown of tomorrow. Maybe I hold on because I'm scared of losing the good memories that are intertwined with the mistakes and shortcomings. Maybe the reason I cling so tightly is because I'm afraid of making the same mistakes again so I think that if I hold onto them, I'll be able to remind myself NOT to make the same mistake again.
So I cling. I hold on for dear life to my mistakes and failures. Not because I feel better about myself (far from it), but like I said before, there is a sort of 'comfort' in the past because it's what I know. I guess I often feel that when I focus on the future, I realize how many things I could mess up and it scares me. So instead of letting go of my past mistakes and embracing the future with open arms, I hold onto what I know.
But there's no way I can live the life God calls me to live if I don't let go of my mistakes. I believe whole heartedly in the price Jesus paid on the cross and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he has forgiven me for my mistakes, but I have a hard time forgiving myself. So I find myself asking God for forgiveness over and over, but I know deep down inside he's not the one withholding forgiveness; I'm the one whose having a hard time letting go. I also find it a lot easier to forgive other people than to forgive myself. I'm trying to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes, but it's a long process.
My youth pastor gave a sermon a few months ago about God's love and he talked a lot about Hosea and his love for the prostitute, Gomer (what an unfortunate name). God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute and love her to show Israel how strong his love was for them. So Hosea marries Gomer, but Gomer has a hard time accepting his love. She let her past define her. She couldn't let go of her mistakes. She felt like she didn't deserve to be loved by Hosea, so she keeps leaving him to return to her former way of life. But Hosea won't take no for an answer. He goes and buys her back and loves her even though she doesn't think she's worthy.
We can't have the same mindset as Gomer. We can't say "Well that's who I was yesterday and the day before and the day before that, so I'll always be like that. It's just the way things are."
We can't dwell on the past. We can't let our mistakes dictate our futures. I've made mistakes, I've hurt people, I've said things I wish I could take back, but holding onto those mistakes keeps me from being able to take hold of what God has in store for me. It keeps me from becoming the person I was created to be.
"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
So I am learning to let go. Every day I have to make a conscious decision to put off my old self and mistakes and put on the new self that God has so graciously extended to me. I have made mistakes, but I'm called to live a holy, righteous life and that requires letting go and taking hold of what God has in store for me. The future scares me, but I'm learning to let go and cling to the fact that God knows what he's doing; He's got a plan (Jeremiah 29:11).
"So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender"
- Hillsong United
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Beginning
Everything and everyone has a beginning. You had a beginning. I had a beginning. Your next door neighbor had a beginning. The world had a beginning.
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”
~ Genesis 1:1 (NIV)
“First this: God created the Heavens and Earth—all you see, all you don't see...” ~ Genesis 1:1 (the Message)
What better place to start the story of our journey than the beginning? I love how the Message version uses the phrase “first this.” It implies that there is more to come. There’s more to the story, but for anything to happen there has to be a beginning, a starting point, an event that gets the ball rolling.
“...God created...” What a beautiful phrase. Try to wrap your mind around that. He starts by creating the earth. In verse 2 of Genesis 1, we read that the earth is formless and empty and that darkness covered the surface of the deep. And right there in the midst of the darkness, God is found.
"...the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.”
God is there hovering over the deep, dark water and the first thing he does is create light. All he does is speak and light fills the heavens. He then separates the light from the darkness. God looks at the light and he sees that it is good. Light and darkness; day and night; day 1.
Day 2: water and sky. “And God said, ‘Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water.’ So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. God called the expanse ‘sky.’” Genesis 1:6-8 There was a lot of water. God spoke and the water separated into two sections: one above an empty expanse, the other below. The one above is sky and the one below is the oceans.
Day 3: land, seas, and plants God told the water to gather and it did. Seas are created. God told dry land to appear and it did. Land is created. God told the land to produce plants that would produce seeds. Plants appeared on the land and God saw that it was good.
Day 4: sun, moon and stars. God spoke and the heavens were filled with stars and galaxies. He created the sun (the greater light) to govern the day and the moon (the lesser light) to govern the night. End of day four.
Day 5: sea creatures and birds. God created the sky and seas first, so he fills them with creatures before the land. The water and sky teemed with living creatures. God gave them his blessing and told them to be fruitful and multiply.
Day 6: land animals and us. The land is filled with creatures that crawl, slither, gallop, hop and climb. God looks at his creation and is pleased with what he sees. But something is missing. Someone is missing.
Us.
God finishes his creation by making man in his image. Sunsets, stars, and the moon are amazing. Zebras, dolphins, eagles, tigers, porcupines, and turtles are amazing. But humans are the only things created in the image of God. The end of the sixth day came and God looked at all he had made and saw that it was “very good.” We had a good beginning. “First this...”
But we strayed from where we started. We made a mess of things. We tried to do things our way and all of a sudden things were different. There was separation where there was supposed to be communion. Discord where there was once harmony.
But it’s only the beginning. There’s more to the story. A story that is still being written. A journey that is still being taken. A beginning that has not reached its end. Join me as we take this journey together.
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”
~ Genesis 1:1 (NIV)
“First this: God created the Heavens and Earth—all you see, all you don't see...” ~ Genesis 1:1 (the Message)
What better place to start the story of our journey than the beginning? I love how the Message version uses the phrase “first this.” It implies that there is more to come. There’s more to the story, but for anything to happen there has to be a beginning, a starting point, an event that gets the ball rolling.
“...God created...” What a beautiful phrase. Try to wrap your mind around that. He starts by creating the earth. In verse 2 of Genesis 1, we read that the earth is formless and empty and that darkness covered the surface of the deep. And right there in the midst of the darkness, God is found.
"...the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.”
God is there hovering over the deep, dark water and the first thing he does is create light. All he does is speak and light fills the heavens. He then separates the light from the darkness. God looks at the light and he sees that it is good. Light and darkness; day and night; day 1.
Day 2: water and sky. “And God said, ‘Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water.’ So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. God called the expanse ‘sky.’” Genesis 1:6-8 There was a lot of water. God spoke and the water separated into two sections: one above an empty expanse, the other below. The one above is sky and the one below is the oceans.
Day 3: land, seas, and plants God told the water to gather and it did. Seas are created. God told dry land to appear and it did. Land is created. God told the land to produce plants that would produce seeds. Plants appeared on the land and God saw that it was good.
Day 4: sun, moon and stars. God spoke and the heavens were filled with stars and galaxies. He created the sun (the greater light) to govern the day and the moon (the lesser light) to govern the night. End of day four.
Day 5: sea creatures and birds. God created the sky and seas first, so he fills them with creatures before the land. The water and sky teemed with living creatures. God gave them his blessing and told them to be fruitful and multiply.
Day 6: land animals and us. The land is filled with creatures that crawl, slither, gallop, hop and climb. God looks at his creation and is pleased with what he sees. But something is missing. Someone is missing.
Us.
God finishes his creation by making man in his image. Sunsets, stars, and the moon are amazing. Zebras, dolphins, eagles, tigers, porcupines, and turtles are amazing. But humans are the only things created in the image of God. The end of the sixth day came and God looked at all he had made and saw that it was “very good.” We had a good beginning. “First this...”
But we strayed from where we started. We made a mess of things. We tried to do things our way and all of a sudden things were different. There was separation where there was supposed to be communion. Discord where there was once harmony.
But it’s only the beginning. There’s more to the story. A story that is still being written. A journey that is still being taken. A beginning that has not reached its end. Join me as we take this journey together.
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