Friday, January 9, 2009

Blue Eyes

The evening was dark and cold, with hints of rain to come. We quickly gathered by the huge tree to have our picture taken. There was no shortage of smiles or laughter. Friendships had developed and deepened in the four short days we had been together. The mist turned into rain so we huddled together and quickly made our way back to the subway. We entered the subway cracking jokes and goofing off. Tickets were purchased and we made our way through the gate. Little did we realize what the next two hours would have in store for us.

As we waited for everyone to get through the gate, our "tour guides" from the Bowery knelt down next to a homeless man who was begging for change. They motioned for us to join them. We gathered in a circle next to the man with blue eyes and began talking to him. His name was Doug and it was clear to see he had been through a lot in his lifetime. The pain and addictions had taken a tole on him and his faced showed it. Alcohol and drugs had reared their ugly heads and consumed him many years before we met him that cold, rainy Tuesday in a New York City subway.

We talked to him about our God. About grace and forgiveness and hope. Hope for a better life; hope for a future. We told him things didn't have to stay the way they were. That he didn't have to spend the rest of his life begging for change and spending everything on one more fix, one more bottle of alcohol. That with God's help he could turn his life around. We offered a ticket for him to come back to the Bowery with us for a free meal and a warm place to sleep.

He looked up at us with those blue eyes of his and spoke of his past. He told us he was too far gone, that no one could save him or would want to forgive him for the mistakes he had made. At one point he opened up his coat and pulled out a water bottle with alcohol in it, as if to say "Look at me, this liquid has consumed me as much as I have consumed it and there's no way I'll ever be able to let it go. I've messed up too much to have any chance of a future."

As I looked into his eyes I could see years of doubt, pain, loneliness, and turmoil. I could see a man longing for a better life; a man who hated where he was, but couldn't see past his mistakes to realize there was a way to change. Life had dealt him an impossible hand and he was having a hard time believing there was a God who could take that impossible hand and turn it into a winning hand. A hand that would trump all the pain and heartache of the past. A hand that didn't care how the game had been going up to that point, but only looked toward the future and the chance for better days.

His words were slurred and his eyes were blurry, but his mind still knew how to ask questions. He directed questions to the youngest person in our group. He wanted to know what made her decide to follow Jesus. As I stood there listening to her answer, I thought about my own life and why I follow Jesus. Do I follow because I feel better about myself, or because I want to be a better person? Is is because I feel like sometimes I deserve him, or I know that without him I'm nothing? Doug's questions forced me to take a look at my own life and why I believe what I believe.

Seeing and hearing about the pain and struggles Doug had been through weighed heavily on us. His questions forced us to think deeply about why we follow God. Our eyes were opened to see him as Jesus saw him and we couldn't help but feel God's heart breaking. The tears flowed as we tried so hard to convince Doug that his life didn't have to stay the way it was. That there was hope for him in the midst of his mistakes. That he wasn't too far gone for God.

Doug decided not to come back to the Bowery with us. The decision was his to make.

We boarded the train with a new outlook on life. We had seen Doug the way God saw him and it had wrecked us. It shook us to the core and made us realize how much we miss in life because we are so focused on our own lives and our own selfish desires. It was easy to feel like we had failed; that since Doug didn't come back with us we didn't say the right things or do the right things. But we talked about it and agreed that it was a victory. A victory because we had followed Jesus' command to love one another and share his hope and his forgiveness. We planted a seed that only God can grow.

Through the tears, we lifted our voices as one on that subway.

"My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine"


May we live each day with eyes wide open to see people the way Jesus sees them. To reach out to the lonely, the brokenhearted, the addicted, the hurt, the rejected. To love people without expecting anything in return. To give and give and give some more. To freely spread the Amazing grace that has been given to us. To show the world the hope and second chances Jesus offers. To wake this world up from its slumber. To be the kind of freak Jesus was.

Don't forget those blue eyes.

"He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor. "
1 Samuel 2:8

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